101 reasons why Captain Picard is better than Captain Kirk.
I picked this up on the web - I take no artistic credit for this
- Two Words: better voice.
- Picard's ship's counselor traded in her miniskirt for that great
- Kirk fought over women. Picard had women fight over him.
- Picard fire both photon torpedoes AND phasers at the same time when in
- Picard's ship is better than Kirk's -- better, faster, stronger.
- Picard hates children -- Kirk once rescued a bunch of patricidal little
maniacs, tried to console them, and almost lost his ship and crew in the
- Picard was responsible for Beverly Crusher's husband dying, berated her
son constantly in her presence, yet still manged to make her fall for him.
- Though admittedly he's seldom a patron, Picard's ship actually has a
- Kirk fought others himself, Picard has others do his fighting for him.
- When nurse Chapel re-appeared as Troi's mother, she fell for Picard.
- In seven years, Picard never developed a gut like Kirk's.
- Picard was never killed by his first officer.
- Picard's family made alchoholic beverages for a living.
- Kirk kept losing security guards throughout each season; Picard has
kept Worf for seven years.
- No member of Picard's crew was EVER based on a member of the Monkees.
- Two words: better actor.
- Picard can do better impressions of his first officer.
- Picard single-handedly saved the Federation, the Klingon Empire, and
all of humanity while still a lowly captain.
- Picard's a better musician than Kirk, while admittedly that's not
- Picard's crew members sleep with one another on a regular basis.
- Picard's crew gambles.
- Picard's engine room has that neat warp coil that glows.
- Picard's ship has better control panels instead of a series of
- Picard would never star in a show like "T.J. Hooker."
- Picard would never have allowed Charlie X aboard his ship.
- No sideburns. 'Nuff said.
- Picard's first officer never seized control of the ship to transport a
former captain anywhere.
- Despite the Borg incident, Picard is still welcome back at Starfleet
HQ. Kirks name is an anathema to Starfleet HQ and alien races alike.
- Picard never ordered his ship to self-destruct as a bluff; when he
orders it to do so, he MEANS it.
- Picard's ship was never taken over by its own computer and made to
attack other Starfleet vessels.
- Picard has never been made into a bad Filmation cartoon.
- Picard was able to bring Denise Crosby back from the dead. Need we say
- Picard infiltrated Romulus, posed as an intergalactic mercenary, and
was tortured extensively after capture by the Cardassians -- and never
broke a sweat.
- Picard has never been demoted.
- Picard has never had his body taken over by a former lover.
- Picard has never developed amnesia and thought he was an Indian.
- Picard has never encountered aliens from wierd planets like "Zatar."
- Picard's quarters have a window.
- Nobody ever back-slaps Picard.
- Picard was never involved in any hokey shootouts at the OK corral.
- Picard is a caffiene addict. (All that Earl Grey tea.)
- One word: Leadership.
- Kirk is not a sex symbol. Never was, never will be.
- If Picard had a son, he wouldn't lose a fight to a Klingon whose
commander was Christopher Lloyd.
- Speaking of losing, Picard has never lost a first officer to a man who
once made a career out of selling Chrysler Cordobas, either.
- Picard would never be so stupid as to go rock climbing without
equipment and rely on an overweight first officer with rocket boots to save
- Picard would never stand for playing "Row Row Row your boat" around a
- When Picard enters a room, people fall silent; when Kirk enters one,
they keep on drinking.
- Picard has that cool, futuristic artificial heart.
- When Picard has an alternate reality experience, it's worth watching
and caring about.
- Picard never expects the impossible from his engineer.
- When Klingons are aboard Picard's ship, they don't go rampaging about
with 17th century weaponry.
- Picard has more class than Kirk ever had.
- If poor judgement were bricks, Kirk would be a housing project.
- Picard had the chutzpah to admit when he screwed up instead of putting
on a face which only made things worse.
- Picard doesn't rely on the Organians to help him settle intergalactic
- Picard gets along with the aliens aboard his ship.
- It's unlikely Picard ever contracted a sexually-transmitted disease.
- One word: diagnostic (Never heard it on the old show.)
- All that cool technical jargon (Also never heard on old show.)
- Picard has hair on his chest.
- Picard can actually make being bald, middle-aged, and scrawny look sexy
- Kirk sat alone in the middle of his bridge; Picard kept counselor Troi
within easy reach and view at all times.
- Picard has never mutinied or had his crew mutiny against him.
- When Picard gets drunk, he tracks mud all over the house and gets in a
fight. When Kirk gets drunk, he passes out.
- Picard hired Whoopi Goldberg to work in his bar.
- Picard is not afraid to mind-meld.
- Picard's ex kept her neme even after the divorce; Kirk's kept it a
secret even from her son.
- Picard like solving mysteries; Kirk couldn't figure one out if he
- Picard has never messed up with the transporter.
- Picard has never been bitten by a mugatto. Nor has he ever allowed
shape-shifting salt vampires aboard his ship, either.
- Picard has never aged prematurely.
- Picard wasn't afraid to take on Satan.
- Picard knows Gilgamesh & is able to recite it.
- Picard argues with his captors while being tortured, Kirk merely
screams in agony.
- Picard never brought a woman back from the 20th Century only to have
her blow him off in front of the entire Federation assembly.
- When Picard talks, people listen.
- If Picard were a late-night talk-show host, he'd be Dick Cavett. If
Kirk were a late-night host, he'd be Chevy Chase.
- NO ONE laughs when Picard's Doctor says, "He's dead, Jean-Luc."
- Picard has never kissed a Romulan.
- Picard has never crashed in San Francisco bay in a pirated spacecraft.
- Picard would never have brought "Nomad" aboard his ship.
- If Khan came aboard Picard's ship, Picard would have had the common
sense to restrict what technical manuals he would've been allowed to
- If Picard found a huge glowing sphere in the middle of outer space only
to discover it was controlled by a child with an ugly puppet, he'd be
- Picard would never ATTEMPT hand-to-hand combat with a gorn.
- Picard would never have dropped the charges against Khan.
- Kirk actually tried to defend the idea of intergalactic war with the
- When Kirk went back in time, he frequently messed with history tp suit
his own ends.
- Picard probably would have found the Galileo 7 in less time than it
- Three words: Better costume variety.
- Kirk tries, usually unsuccessfully, to respect other cultures. Picard
tries, usually successfully, to get other cultures to respect him.
- Kirk's occasional game of choice is 3-D chess, Picard's is poker.
- "Picard" has more syllables than "Kirk."
- Can't forget those neat collar insignias.
- Picard's not afraid to deal with more advanced cultures & has done so on
a number of occassions.
- Picard's been on both Klingon birds-of-prey AND the heavy cruisers (and
lived to tell about it).
- When Picard goes undercover, he makes it look easy.
- Though Picard has contempt for aliens like the Cardassians, he doesn't
let it show.
- Kirk wears boots -- Picard wears shoes. And as we all know, it's gotta
be the shoes...
- Assimilating has never been a problem for Picard.
- Picard has never trashed Gene Roddenberry.
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